“Inhale, lift your arms up. Exhale, drop your hands to the floor. Inhale, right leg back. Drop the knee. Hold.”
When I hear her say the movements, they sound easy enough. But there’s a constant humming in my ear, the echo of a voice in my head.
“Hold? You can’t hold any longer. Your legs are shaking. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Okay maybe exhale from your mouth. No, no. She said nose only. Ah. My hamstring. Fuck. My ankle. Okay wait, maybe if I do this… Adjust. Okay -”
“Inhale hands down. Left leg back. Downward dog.”
Downward dog, a pose given this name because it mimics the natural stretch of a dog. A pose that requires one to stretch their tailbone high up, as if attempting to reach an imaginary edge. It’s quite relaxing and doesn’t come without benefit – it strengthens, stretches and grounds.
“I can feel the blood in my brain. Is that normal? Oh my God, I forgot to send an email, didn’t I? I wonder what time it is. I’ll probably have to check if the post is out and do some work on stories. It’s been longer than a minute hasn’t-”
“Come to plank.”
Plank. Another pose used for strength, stability and alignment, often used in different kinds of workouts. I’ve always wondered how it relates to yoga. I’ve often been in plank when I used to train with a personal trainer or at the gym; the longest plank ever held was for nine hours, thirty minutes and one second by an Australian athlete.
“Engage your core.”
“My core doesn’t want to engage. What did I have for lunch today? What if I throw up? I feel like I might throw up. Oh fuck. What if I fart? Squeeze your glutes. Keep those cheeks tight. Hold. Hold. Hold. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven – wait, am I breathing? Ei-”
“Knees, hands, chest… And cobra.”
Cobra. Bhujangasana. Opens the chest, strengthens, aligns.
“Say you can’t sleep, baby I know, that’s so me espressoooooo… No. No. Recenter yourself. Breathe. Focus. I have to send an email when I’m back. I’ll forget it tomorrow. Should I order dinner or should I just eat at home? I-”
“Back to downward dog.”
…
“Walk your legs to the top of the mat.”
“Walk your legs to the top of the mat. Okay. Easy”
“Head down, arms down. Breathe. Bend the knees if you need to.”
I shouldn’t be looking up, it strains my neck, but for some reason, observing what everyone else is doing makes it easier to do the movements. Seeing their backs hunched like mine, their feet misaligned. Noticing the tremble in their posture, hearing the heaviness in their breath. Even those who’ve been practicing for years on end and maintain a near-perfect posture – watching them floods my brain with more thoughts, more questions. More distractions.
“Come all the way up. Hands to heart. Take a moment, keep your eyes closed.”
“Am I wobbly? I think I’m wobbly. When she asked to set our intentions at the start of the session, what did I set my intentions to again? Probably nothing. I should’ve set them to not wobble. I’m on my two fucking feet why am I wobbling. Okay, okay, okay. Breathe. Calm -”
“Hands down, eyes open. This is the end of our practice, it’s time for Shavasana.”
Shavasana, or final relaxation. A conscious relaxation.
“Lie down on your backs, feet apart, palms up. Keep your eyes closed. Notice your breath.”
“I’d love a good chicken avocado sandwich after th-”
“Relax your toes, your ankles. Relax your feet, your knees, your shins.”
“How can I relax my knees? Why hasn’t anyone ever asked how-”
“Relax your thighs. Your hips. Your lower back, middle back, upper back. Relax your shoulders.”
“Okay, yeah. This I can do. But my lower back is killing-”
“Relax your arms, your fingers. Relax your neck, your face, your eye brows. The space between your eyebrows. Your jaw.”
…
“Relax your mind.”
